A week and a half before the birth, I was going crazy. I really struggled to trust my feelings and my body's many signals. I sought support and advice from my midwife and my doula.

Throughout my pregnancy I had a strong feeling that I would give birth at the end of October and as the time approached there were more and more signs that it would happen. Exactly one week before my little brother was born I had regular, strong contractions for 4 hours at night. But suddenly the contractions stopped and we fell back asleep at 5 o'clock. Completely confused and disappointed I woke up on Friday morning and thought it was all really stupid.
I decided to completely let go of the idea and expectation that I would give birth before my due date on November 3rd. I made plans with friends and booked an exciting seminar that I had been looking forward to for a long time. Overall, I tried to pretend that my little brother's arrival wasn't just around the corner.
On Wednesday, October 24th, I'm keeping Valdemar home from kindergarten. We're having a real Valdemar-and-mom day with a trip to the zoo, eating cake and cozy drawing sessions. That night, I go to bed with great confidence that the birth will find its way when we're all ready.

At 01.20 on 25.10 I wake up restlessly. I have to pee really badly and on the way to the toilet I get a strong urge like I have had so often before. I push it away and lie back in bed between Valdemar and Rasmus.
I start to shake a little as if I'm freezing and the uneasiness grows. Another strong pull... I take a gelsenium from my homeopathic birthing kit. I try to sleep. The shaking stops.

Half an hour later I have to pee again. As I get out of bed, the water breaks. It's 1:53 a.m. I gently wake Rasmus.
The experience from last time means that we get up immediately and get the feeding trough ready to be filled. We eat a little and Rasmus takes a bath.
I have a few strong contractions, maybe 20-30 minutes apart. I really feel like I need to go to the bathroom but can't. So I decide to take an enema right away. That's it. It made room.

We notify the midwife, doula, photographer and grandmother. But my doula friend's phone is off. We try several times. I also call her husband but can't get through. I'm getting worried.
Everything comes to a standstill. No activity in the uterus. At 3 am we go to bed again. Rasmus falls asleep quickly. I can't really sleep even though there are no contractions. After an hour and a half of tossing and turning, I get up.

It's 4:30 a.m. I make a cup of tea and find my audio files with relaxation and visualizations. I sit on the couch with a candle lit and listen to the audio files. I connect with my little brother in my belly. "If you're ready, I am too. You just have to show me the way," I tell him. I have two contractions while I'm sitting there.

At 5:20 a.m. Valdemar wakes up. "What are you doing, mom?" I go to him and tell him that my water has broken and my little brother is definitely coming today. He is completely happy. We lie in bed for a little while and just cuddle. I have two more contractions. Rasmus and Valdemar get up and make breakfast. At 6:30 a.m. I finally fall asleep. At 7 a.m. Valdemar wakes me up with breakfast. I have my first real contraction. It's a sharp pain in the front, as I remember from Valdemar's birth.

I'm having a simple meal. The phone rings and my doula friend is on the other end. She accidentally put it on airplane mode that night. But now she's ready and can be here within 30-40 minutes.

I can feel the contractions starting now. When my midwife arrives at 7:40 am, I have contractions about 10 minutes apart. I use my breathing and am happy that they are finally starting. I am 3 cm dilated. The head is deep. No bleeding. Little brother is doing great. Valdemar cuddles me and talks calmly to me.

The contractions are getting stronger. I lean on Rasmus. It's already weighing me down. I get chili plasters on my front and lower back. But there's no relief. The plasters are coming off again. I just have to get in the water now. The photographer and my mother have arrived. It's 8:45.

The candles have been lit in the dark room. The candle for Aunt Katrine who is in heaven stands on my little birth altar with flowers, pictures and my chakra stones Bach's rescue drops go into the water along with the salt.

I can jump in. The warmth envelops my body. I find peace. The contractions are allowed to take hold. They become more frequent. I lean on Rasmus.
Valdemar wants to get in the tub with me. It's so great to share this experience with him. He's been SO excited. He's been waiting for his little brother and just wants to be there to welcome him. He takes it really well when I'm in labor.

The breathing becomes more and more raucous. The movements more violent. I feel my little brother rotating and pushing. Still no sign of bleeding. It really tears in front of my pubic bone. I examine myself inside. His head is deep, probably 5-6 cm up, but my cervix is ​​only 4-5 cm open. Tight and not at all yielding. I get scared. It feels like my uterus won't let go. I have to get up. Go to the toilet. It's 9:30.

The next 4 contractions are incredibly violent. Everything in my body is tearing. I move quickly. I stomp on the floor and twist my pelvis. Now it lets go. Like a splash. I start bleeding and feel his head pushing deeper.

Back in the bathtub. I am struck by fear and reluctance. "I don't want this. I'm scared. It feels wrong". My helpers are there. They support me and I don't feel alone at any point. But it's my fear and only I can overcome it. I can feel the pushing phase approaching. I get some violent jolts up my back and around my sacrum. It feels like something will break or tear if I push. All I can do is gasp with each contraction. It's 10 o'clock.

I talk to my little brother in my stomach. "Not so fast. Just give me some time. I'll give you space. Just not too fast. I'll just be there". The next 20 minutes are completely quiet in the living room. Everyone sits around the tub and just keeps the room for me. The quiet music in the background is drowned out at regular intervals by my gasps. Rasmus holds me up, but otherwise it's just my little brother and I cooperating in the finest way. I gasp with each contraction and push very carefully during the contraction break.

The last 3 contractions I get on my knees in the tub. I can feel his fine head full of hair. I pet him while he stands here. Ready to receive him. In the next contraction he slides out to me and immediately reaches his arms up towards me.

I did it!! I overcame my fear and was allowed to experience the most calm press phase ever.
We light candles for him and sing him a welcome to the world. "Let heaven rejoice every time on earth a human child is born."

Say hello to August. Born 25.10.18 at 10.35. After 3.5 hours of intense contractions.❤️

Thank you for reading.

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Eyajohanna is a private practice midwife.

You can find her here:

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